I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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