..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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