Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
