real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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