Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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