Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
