I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
