You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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