Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
