I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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