i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I checked into jail on foursquare
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
