Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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