Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i think i have two assholes
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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