hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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