Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
