there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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