i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
