Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
