she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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