It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
