I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
