another moral hangover. fuck.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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