Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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