Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
