i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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