are you so shy because you have an std?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
