the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I pour the whiskey from now on
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
