i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
