I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
birth control should be required to get into college
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
