i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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