i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
