im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she looked like the before picture.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
