I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
