I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
