Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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