When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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