you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
