Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
