4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
