No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
