What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
