I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
