are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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