I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Randomize
