Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
