Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
