sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
