The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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