One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
