I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
