Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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